I Cry

A lot of men are raised to believe that men don't cry,
It is a sign of weakness
It means you're soft
It means you can't handle life and the challeneges you are faced with...
So what do you do when the pressure becomes too much?
When you can't take it anymore
When your soul just needs to let loose and scream?
As a man I say cry
I cry
I cry because the pressure is getting to me
I cry because it hurts
I cry because nothing seems to go right
Because I've made so many mistakes and now I am paying for them
I cry because its my fault..
becaue it is the outward manifestation of everything I am feeling on the inside.
I cry because honestly, I don't know what else to do...
My tears say everything I can't say, won't say and I am afraid to say
My tears are an extension of me...
And as they form a puddle on my pillow,
I look into them and see my reflection
I see what I've become and what I am
I see me
Not the me I want to be
Not the me I hope to be
Not my dreams, aspirations, or anything of that matter
I see me
The man who wants to do good yet evil is always with him
The man weho has fought so hard to change but has never really been able to embody it
The imperfect, fallible, incomplete man...
So yes...I cry
I cry because I brought all of the pain, hurt and anguish on myself
My mistakes can be blamed on no one but me
And now I pay for it,
Looking above hoping for a forgiveness I don't deserve...
I now have to embody the change I want to be
My tears have to be the tears of joy now,
Amd when I look into that puddle I hope I see something else...


*The biggest disappointment isn't when someone else is disappointed in you but its when you are disappointed in yourself*