Pensive
But I can't quite define the thoughts
Happy, sad, delusional, optimistic, pessimisstic, dominating, submissive...
Well that all depends on what part of my brain you're looking from
I'm not quite happy
Not quite sad
Not quite all there either
I'm just blah
My mind and my heart are drifting further and further away....from each other
My heart is moving towards love
While my mind is dwelling in fear
In the fear that my heart will only be crushed by this love it seeks so earnestly
My mind fears the reprocussions and backlash that can come from another crushed heart
So it imagines
It comes up with the worst possible scenarios
Draws every bad conclusion
And firmly believes that everything can and will go wrong
But my heart is optimistic
Seeing this love through rose colored glasses
Seeing everything it has hoped and dreamed for come to fruition
My heart has been heavy long enough and has decided to release the burden of all those failed attempts from its shoulders
It is putting its best foot forward and stepping out on faith
A faith that tells it everything will be ok
Because this love
This is the love its been waiting for
The dichotomy between my heart and mind has never been more apparent to me
One fears
One hopes
One trusts
One won't
In the end
All they want is for me to be happy
My mind through rationale
My heart through emotion
I want for me what they want for me
I just want to be happy...

The choices you make determine everything
They are the difference between good and bad fortune
Life and death
Love and love lost
If only foresight were as good as hindsight
And exercising discretion was easier than indiscretion
It all comes down to choices...
Planning ahead
Covering all your bases
Yea yea...
All the due diligence in the world couldn't save you from heartache
Why?
Because heartache is unexpected
No one enters a relationship wondering how tragically it will end
No
You walk in with these rose colored glasses that give you the image that everything will be ok
Truth is
Relationships are the most messed up form of masochism known to man
We get into these relationships knowing quite well we may end up hurt
Bitter
And feeling rejected
Declining to our fortress of solitude made of comfy sweats
A big blanket
5 pillows
A remote
And lots of ice cream
A deep recessive funk
And for what?
A shot at love?
But what about those who really do get that love?
If it doesn't work, their despair in the aftermath is far worse
Yet we continue to do it to ourselves
As people, we just can't help it
With the rest of you I ride this crazy masochistic roller coaster of love
I hope in the end
I'm one of the lucky ones who lands on love and stays there

I have to write for her
I have to write everything I can't say to her
I write: I LOVE YOU
I write: YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME
I write everything my heart is too afraid to let my mouth say
My heart and mind fear rejection
They fear that she won't love me too
They fear that she just isn't in the same place as me
So I write for her
I write all the words that sit on the tip of my tongue but won't come out
For her I write
For her I live
For her I strive
She inspires me to be the highest me possible
The best me possible
The realest me I can be
I write my fears for her
I write everything I hope I can be
She can be
And we can be
I write for her everything
Everything my mouth just won't say
My heart and mind may restrict my mouth
But they can't stop my hands from writing for her
From letting my pen speak to her for me....
Every word I just cant seem to say....

They say that love is blind but i've never seen so clearly
The beauty that lies before me is plain as day but can't be seen as most
As beautiful as your outside is your true beauty lies within
It is your caring spirit
Your nurturing heart
It is that tender soul
Perfectly imperfect
There is nothing and no one quite like you
The true definition of love is found in your heart
And I love the love I see in there
So if it's ok with you, I'd like to rest in your heart
While you rest in my arms
Perfectly interlocked
Completely connected
Completing each other

Absence makes the heart grow colder

Absence makes the heart grow colder not fonder
See every minute away from you
Every second you ignore me
Is just another slap in the face of my love
A love that loves you so much it just wants to be with you
Wants to be by your side
It is just a love that loves you
Each time you brush me off its just another chip at this not quite lonely heart
I say not quite because although i have you my heart doesn't feel that way
Although i have you my heart just cant tell
And despite my many efforts to keep from spilling my feelings on to the page it just didn't work
As much as i tried to put them in your ears heart and mind you just refused to hear me
So now I've gotten to the point where I can no longer beg for your time
No longer beg for your love
But I will just sit and wait
Until this once warm heart of mine becomes so cold its numb to you
So continue to ignore me
Continue to be too busy for me
Continue to brush me off
In the end you will find yourself alone
Because absence just makes the heart grow colder.....